Episode 56 - The Courage to Speak: Tales from the Road Less Comfortable

Ever been more terrified of speaking in public than jumping out of a plane? You're not alone. Public speaking consistently ranks higher than death in surveys about our greatest fears, and as my wife Rita and I launch the second season of our travel adventures, I'm facing down this fear once again.

As I prepare for three speaking engagements at the International Living Conference in Portland, that familiar anxiety creeps in. Despite having presented countless times before, my nervousness will build until that moment I step on stage. To illustrate this universal fear, I share the story of my most terrifying public performance – a live TV appearance where I nearly fled the studio. The fascinating disconnect between my internal panic and what viewers actually saw speaks volumes about how we perceive our own performance versus reality.

This tension between comfort and growth applies equally to travel and public speaking. Both require stepping into uncertainty, facing vulnerability, and trusting that we'll emerge stronger. Whether navigating foreign streets or facing an audience, the discomfort precedes the reward. That's why we continue pursuing both challenges despite the fear – because we travel not to escape life, but so that life doesn't escape us.

Join us as our adventure continues, now with a slightly different rhythm but the same spirit of exploration that launched our journey. Connect with us on Instagram, YouTube, or jimsantosbooks.com to follow along, and check the show notes for information about streaming the International Living Conference if you'd like to learn more about overseas living.

Portland Conference: https://www.internationalliving.com/events

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Season Two
• 1:02 Upcoming Plans and Conference Anxiety
• 2:11 My Struggles with Stage Fright
• 7:07 The Terrifying Live TV Experience
• 12:18 Persevering Despite Fear
• 13:31 Episode Closing and Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Welcome to Travels with Jim and Rita. I'm your host, jim Santos, along with my wife, rita, and welcome to the second season of our podcast. In the first season, we set in motion our crazy plan to outfox the real estate market in the US and actually increase our retirement nest egg by selling our home and car and spending the next three years or so living abroad and exploring the world. While we did manage to increase our net worth while we traveled, a bout of pancreatitis in Latvia caused us to return to the States for surgery and recovery and to rethink our plans in light of our ages and other factors. Enter Plan B. We now have a home base set up in eastern Tennessee and are ready to hit the road once again. Our plans are now to spend anywhere from six to nine months a year abroad, returning to the US to visit friends, family and to recharge. Join us now as the adventure continues on Travels with Jim and Rita. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Travels with Jim and Rita. Now, once again, it's been a while since we did a new episode. We're lining up some more interviews now, and we'll be picking up on our recent trip to Ireland soon. Right now, though, in addition to completing some kitchen renovations. We're about to head to Portland, oregon, for the International Living Go Overseas Boot Camp. After that we'll be visiting friends for a while Now.

Speaker 1: 1:31

This is by no means my first conference. I've been to at least 11 over the years, the last just being the spring in Portugal. Now I've given as many as five talks at some of these conferences, and this time I'm scheduled for three. Two of those are in smaller groups, but the first will be in the main hall in front of 500 people or more. People tell me they like my talks, but it's not my favorite thing to do. It surprises people that I have anxiety over public speaking, and my nervousness will grow between now and when I finally step out on stage Sunday morning, peaking in those last few seconds. So I thought today I'd treat you with a short story. I wrote on the topic about a time when I once foolishly agreed to make an appearance on a live TV talk show.

Speaker 1: 2:11

Here then is that story my Struggles with Stage Fright. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld once pointed out that in surveys, people consistently list public speaking as one of their biggest fears. In fact, it usually ranks higher than fear of death. Mr Seinfeld points out that this means that for most people, if they are at a funeral, they would rather be the one in the box than the one giving the eulogy. I've also read that many famous performers have to conquer their fears to perform. Veteran actress Helen Mirren says I still suffer terribly from stage fright. I get sick with fear. Likewise, the late Alan Rickman suffered as well. So if it can happen to Professor Snape, what chance do I have of escaping?

Speaker 1: 2:55

In fact, stage fright is a constant battle for me, which always surprises people who know me and some of the things I've done in my life. For example, I've been a frequent guest on radio talk shows and worked as a radio DJ, been interviewed several times through regional TV, been a guest on a live local talk show on TV, performed with a band on a cable station, performed with a band in regional contest, played in bands in a variety of bars and the animal circuit. You know lions, eagles, moose and elk, oh my. Rented myself out for kids parties, singing and greeting children in a Barney costume. Long story Lip-synced a song dressed as Alice Cooper, as the guest creature on DC Channel 20's Creature Feature starring Count Gore Duvall Even longer story I've given speeches to business groups and performed stand-up comedy on two occasions at open mics. During all of these public events I have suffered through varying degrees of stage fright. The easiest for me to handle was the radio DJ work. I mean, you're just sitting in a little room by yourself playing CDs and pre-recorded announcements and talking into a mic. No visible audience helps a lot, although there is still that quiver from broadcasting your words out to the universe, or most of three counties anyway. It also helps if I have no idea what is coming, as I discovered once when working for a small regional internet service provider.

Speaker 1: 4:15

My job at the time was what we called custom installation. You see, back in the dark ages of the early 1990s, we all huddled around the fire using dial-up access to the internet. Few homes had computers and those that did often did not have a decent modem installed or enough memory to get online. I would go to the home, upgrade the computer as needed, get them online, download the newfangled Netscape browser and give them a quick lesson. One summer day I was making my rounds and my boss, carl, paged me. This was pre-cell phones too, I'm telling you. We lived like animals, and when I called back he told me to drop by the Harper's Ferry Middle School. The principal wanted to ask me some questions about the internet access we could provide. School was not in session yet, so this sounded like an easy task.

Speaker 1: 5:03

When I arrived at the school and went to the office, I was welcomed warmly and told the principal was waiting for me. The receptionist led me down the hallway and into the cafeteria. Principal was waiting for me. The receptionist led me down the hallway and into the cafeteria. When the doors opened, I froze for a moment. The principal was indeed there, standing next to a computer on a cart hooked to a projector on one side of the room. On the other side of the room was every single teacher, counselor, principal and vice principal of Jefferson County. There I stood, wearing shorts, sandals, t-shirt, my hair pulled back in a ponytail, listening to my introduction. Here's Jim Santos of Intrepid Technologies. He's going to tell us all about the internet, give us a demonstration on our computer here and then answer your questions.

Speaker 1: 5:46

Mentally reviewing the conversation I was going to have with my boss if I survived this, I smiled, shook his hand and proceeded to pull a fairly coherent and informative presentation out of my ass. The only good thing was that it happened so fast. I didn't have time to be nervous. The worst case of stage fright it's a tie between doing stand-up comedy and the live local talk show. Most of these harrowing public events stopped for me around 2009.

Speaker 1: 6:15

After the death of my first wife, I lost a lot of motivation to perform and, frankly, the whole being in a band thing starts to take on a new feel after 50. The joys of practicing two or three nights a week to spend the weekend unloading and setting up a few hundred pounds of equipment, playing the same tired songs in a smoky bar until 2 am and then packing up and loading what now feels like several tons of equipment for $80 in drinks starts to lose its charm. Then, after a long break from any of these public performances, I found myself ready to give a couple of presentations for international living in Quito, ecuador, in front of 300 or so people and dreading it. Fear is an interesting beast and going out to do something in spite of that fear can be an incredibly rewarding experience, but only after it's over. The time leading up to it is not very pleasant at all. For example, let's look at that live TV talk show I mentioned.

Speaker 1: 7:10

I was living in Charlestown, west Virginia, at the time I'd been working at WXVA on the radio for a while, played in some bands and I'd been interviewed for local TV before. All no big deal. At the time I was running a children's clothing consignment store in the downtown area. So when the local Hagerstown Maryland TV station WHAG at the time asked me to come into their studio with a few examples of what we offered and talk to the host of their version of a good morning type live show called Noonday, I said sure, why not? Well, because the thought of being on live TV is pretty freaking, terrifying. That's why not.

Speaker 1: 7:44

The closer we got to the scheduled show, the more nervous I became. Actually, nervous isn't quite the word. Bat-shit crazy with fear is a little closer, but missing that fine edge of panic that also began creeping in. But I tried to continue in spite of the fear. When the morning of the big show arrived, I dressed carefully, painfully aware that my fat ass was going to be on public display to anyone in the Quad State area with nothing better to do than watch this lunchtime talk show. Display to anyone in the Quad State area with nothing better to do than watch this lunchtime talk show, somehow employing tunnel vision and moving a small step at a time, I managed to get myself into the van and started driving to the studio.

Speaker 1: 8:20

On the way, panic continued to build. I soon felt almost detached from myself, like I was sitting a foot or so behind my head and watching everything. Reality seemed to become a series of still pictures as I struggled with my tenuous hold on the now I came to the entrance drive for the studio and instead of turning in, I drove on past, couldn't make myself signal and turn the wheel. I started plotting wild escape fantasies. I would call them and tell them I had a flat tire or some emergency came up, and I just couldn't make it Remember this was pre pre-cell phone day, so I'd have to find a phone booth to call in.

Speaker 1: 8:55

I turned around and drove past the entrance one more time on my way home, fully intending to go ahead and weasel out. Unfortunately, the rusty, creaky thing that I use in the place of a conscience reared its ugly head. I reluctantly decided that the adult thing to do was to go back to the studio and admit to them in person that I just could not go on live TV. Sorry, and all that, but although I understand that the show must go on. It must go on without me. I immediately felt better for my rather mature decision, so I turned around once more and on the third pass I was able to turn down the driveway park and enter the studio.

Speaker 1: 9:35

I walked bravely up to the reception desk ready to face the music and back out, like the brave little bitch I am. Just as I opened my mouth to speak, one of the co-hosts came around the corner. There you are, she said, grabbing my arm and leading me down the hallway. We're so glad you could make it. Let me get you into makeup chair. We'll have you on the set in no time. Yeah, about that. I managed to get out, but she had already spun away and turned me over to people who were pushing me into a chair, putting a paper bib on me and then discussing what powders to add to my face, like I was a corpse. They were preparing for reviewing, which is what I felt like really and with that the panic came roaring back full force.

Speaker 1: 10:08

I'm only vaguely aware of the next few minutes. I know I tried to protest several times and I tried to get the attention of the male co-host, but no one was paying any attention to me. I was just a piece of meat being processed through the system. At this point, somewhere in this haze, I must have given someone my van keys, because I did see a stagehand walking by with the clothing I had brought. I stared numbly as he began arranging them on the set. This wasn't really happening. Was it the set Right over there? That is the set. That's where they're going to put me and turn on the lights and the cameras.

Speaker 1: 10:41

I watched all this happening around me, feeling the same kind of fear a man must feel looking at the gallows steps. He knows who soon must mount. The next thing I know I'm being guided to a couch and sat down across from the two robot-like co-hosts with their perfect hair and TV smiles. While every light in the world suddenly comes on, I squint into the glare and see two huge TV cameras on wheels looming towards me, with a guy in the middle saying helpful things like okay, we are live in five, four, three, you know. I remember saying casually, as I continued to go numb all over. I'm not sure if I'm about to pass out puke or both. The hosts both chuckled at my wit, oblivious to the fact that I was giving them a cold, honest assessment and a chance to duck out of the way.

Speaker 1: 11:26

The rest was a blur, except that I realized at some point later that it was over. We were in a commercial break and they were thanking me and hurrying me off the stage while Later, when I was safely home, I watched the video I had set the VCR to record Remember those days and I was amazed. Who was that person in my skin? He seemed calm and relaxed. He answered their questions in complete sentences, made a few joking comments and in general seemed like a rational human being rather than someone who's about to project fluids and semi-solids out of every orifice.

Speaker 1: 12:00

So the important lesson in all this is that, no matter the fear, you can persevere if you just go ahead and do it. Probably I mean at least so far, because no matter how often I tell myself I've done this before, it's no big deal, you can do it again I can still feel the first cold fingers of panic playfully running up and down my spine. I know as it gets closer I will feel more and more of that fear and panic, culminating in a huge breaking wave just as I walk out on the stage and take the mic and slide clicker and hopefully I won't pass out or puke or both, but you never know, do you? That's what keeps it interesting. I'd like to close with the words of another comedian whose words of wisdom got me out on stage for the other winner of the Most Frightening Event Award walking out in front of a crowd of strangers to do stand-up comedy.

Speaker 1: 12:49

There's something inherently terrifying about being on stage in front of a crowd with only a microphone to hide behind and trying to make them laugh. If you gave me the choice between standing in front of 500 people telling jokes or just standing in front of them, buck naked, I'd have to think it over. I'd certainly get more laughs naked, but anyway, just before I walked out to do my 10-minute routine, I recalled what comedian Dennis Miller said he tells himself in order to get out under the lights. Well, at least I'm not jumping out of a chopper in NAMM. Yes, fear is an interesting beast. That's all for now.

Speaker 1: 13:31

I hope you enjoyed that story. Remember, you can find all of my short stories and books on jimsantosnet. Photos and videos of some of our travels can be found on our Instagram and YouTube sites, and more photos and blogs on the website jimsantosbookscom. And all those links are, of course, in the show notes. Although it's, of course, too late to attend the International Living Conference in Portland in person, it's available for streaming. So for more information or to sign up, go to internationallivingcom slash events or use the link in the show notes. So until next time, remember that we travel not to escape life, but so that life does not escape us.